Identity

I watched a coming-of-age dramedy last night with a couple of friends. I didn’t expect much going in, it was a last minute thing and I was more so there to hang out with cool people than to really be impressed by an incredible story, I didn’t even know its title for that matter, and would only later find out in the opening credits – 弟弟, the mandarin word for younger brother. Didi was this sorta low budget indie film that you would expect to see at a festival – one starred with new timers and child actors who had never held roles in cinema.

Despite this, the film was described by mainstream media to be ‘captivating’, ‘rapturous’, and 'an instant classic’.

The guardian is right. Didi is an incredible recital of the immigrant experience, one that captured the nuances of social assimilation and understanding cultural acceptance. But I think more than that, it was a masterpiece of the details. I distinctly still remember the line: “你还记得吗, 当 Vivian 安14岁的时候我没有让她 sleepover”, roughly translated as “do you remember, when Vivian was 14, I didn’t let her sleepover”; this line very well captures the bilingual experience, because the word ‘sleepover’ doesn’t really have a direct translation in mandarin, a rather potent reflection of the stark cultural differences of growing up in the east.

I saw my lived experience reflected in Didi’s story, being labeled as an outcast, different, and eventually “a problem”. I wasn’t accepted at school, and as much as I’d like to blame my teachers for failing to understand, the nuances of being a newcomer during the time of coming-of-age was definitely a multifaceted and complex one. It was the fact that I felt separated and never able to communicate that then had a label placed on me, a label that defined me as “troubling” that then further segregated my already difficult experience of fitting in.

I think that mentality instilled in my psyche made me resent every part of myself that made me different, it made me see my culture as something dragging me down rather than something uplifting and empowering.

These days I’m not embarrassed to talk to my parents in Chinese with friends on a voice call, I will confidently offer my Chinese name, and correct anyone saying it wrong, but related or not, I still dislike Chinese cuisine. In large part, I’ve accepted and reconciled with my childhood. I'm proud to say that I grew up in the suburbs of Beijing, and the experiences of elementary school in China that defines and continues to define me. And although I still get made fun of for my lack of ability to recognize 2010s pop, or apparently the lego song, I don’t resent myself for them.

…

Didi is more than a movie of comedy and awkward romance, it’s a story that encompassed my life as an immigrant, and a story that will definitely continue to encompass the lives of millions of future children.

I’m not sure if someone who couldn’t understand Didi’s nuances would derive so much value from its story, nor am I sure if they would even get its message, but without doubt, I know it conveys fundamental truths to the immigrant experience, something that we should all strive to understand; for us, as immigrants, to reclaim our culture, and for others to accept that.